I drove downstate to Troy’s. His pickup was in the driveway, a light on in the house. The remnants of a bonfire burned in the front yard. A small pit had been dug, surrounded by stones. I saw burned ends of photos and newspaper clippings, blackened metal trophies, chards of glass from smashed frames. By the fire was a folding chair. Empty bottles of Budweiser were scattered on the ground.
I walked up the steps to the open front door. In the living room I saw Troy sitting on the couch. I saw a broken chair, a smashed lamp. The wall at several places looked dented with fist and head marks. His eyes were dark, inconsolate when he looked up at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Were you there?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Tell me.”
I told him what I knew. Pat and Audrey had responded to an unknown at the abandoned building on Lawrence Street. They’d gone in. There was a shot and Pat had fallen. Audrey was too shaken up to give a clear picture. The cops found a dead junkie in the building later, but from his rigor and livitity, he’d been long dead. They had no clues to go on.
“Why didn’t he wait?” Troy said suddenly. “He always does.”
“He didn’t,” I said.
“Everyone knows you’re supposed to wait for the cops on calls like that. If there’s any doubt, you wait. And what about his vest? He always wore a vest.”
“He stopped wearing it,” I said.
“What was he thinking – he’s invulnerable? Jesus, Pat.”
“I can’t believe he’s dead,” Troy said. “I should have been there to protect him. Here I’ve been these last months sitting on my duff living the good life, while you guys are getting killed up there. My friends.”
“There was nothing you could do,” I said.
“I could have saved him. You need me up there. I should never have let them force me out. I need to be back there. You need me up there.”
“Take it easy,” I said. “Now’s no time to make decisions.”
“Decisions? I’d be better off dead than feel like I do now.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said again.
I sat with him most of the night. A couple times I went out and got more lumber for the fire. He alternately ranted and wept.
