“I didn’t think I would marry again or want to,” Kim said, “But I know that’s what I want now. I don’t know how you feel, but I’m thirty-five and, if I do, my time is getting short. I guess I’d just like to know where you stand.”
She sat on the edge of my bed, her hand on my chest. We had just made love for the second time, but it was late and she was now getting up to dress and return home.
I couldn’t think of the words, and in my silence, she could see that I wasn’t ready.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I just want you to know what I’ve been thinking, and that I’m going to have to make some decisions. I feel like I am getting into a place where I could get hurt, and I need to protect myself.”
“You know, I’m crazy about you,” I said.
“It’s okay…,” she said. “I don’t want you to be who you’re not. If I start backing away, I just want you to know why.”
She leaned forward and kissed my forehead and then as I watched her, she dressed and left without another word.
They already had the trees marked they were going to take down. With each beer I finished I tossed it out and watched it spin through the air and then disappear below – on the rocks or into the waves. It didn’t matter.
“I heard you were coming up here,” she said. “I thought at least you might have called. I’m glad you made it home safe. I’m sorry about Billy and your Dad.”
I hadn’t heard her and wondered if maybe she had been watching me for awhile. She looked the same, except her hair was cut short. I looked at her belly – it was flat.
“Sorry I missed the wedding,” I said.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I’m sorry.”
“Believe me I don’t come up here for the memories.” I hurled another beer.
I didn’t look back up for awhile – I just opened another beer. When I did, she was gone.
I left town a week later.
